Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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