Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
