I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
