cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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