Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
