apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
