I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
