I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
