so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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