it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You can't just leave with hair like that
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
