what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We are all done wearing pants today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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