Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My hand turned me down
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
