You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
