dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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