I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
