hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
