Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
