happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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