As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
