dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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