I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
