I have demons in me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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