So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
