Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
