You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
