he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
