I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How external is "for external use only"?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
