Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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