I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
