My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
