I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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