i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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