I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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