On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
