I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
