Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
