i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
