My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
