apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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