all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
