I seem to have left my pride at pride
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
