Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
