Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
