How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
