Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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