I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
