Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
