You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
