I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
