im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
