ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
